Author Archives: Jen Chapman

About Jen Chapman

She is a wife to Shawn for 22 years and counting, and a mom to Noah, and together they live out their story in their tiny town of Barboursville, WV. She is a freelance writer and a blogger at Flowers, bookstores, and people are what make her smile. She has seen God’s grace redeem her big-time and wants everyone to know it and experience it for themselves. She wants more than anything to give praise and honor to Jesus, and point people to Him.

Stop Second-Guessing Your Spanish Shoebox

Stop Second-Guessing Your Spanish Shoebox

I spent hours with a shoebox and crayons creating a spectacular bullfighting diorama to represent Spain, complete with an arena full of spectators for my 3rd grade “nations parade.” In the center of the box, I had a representation of a bull, played by our Little People cow, and of a fighter represented by a doll that was likely a hand-me-down with bright pink hair, sunglasses, and zebra-striped tights. Scaled to size, the pink-haired, trailblazing matadora would have been just shy of 10 feet tall.

This box was going to be secured to my 18” stubby Alf skateboard, which I would pull proudly through the halls with some random string/shoelace attached near the wheels.

Pictures from Google to help you see what went into the Spanish shoebox diorama 🙂

But sometime between finishing up the night before and displaying it for all my classmates the next morning, I started doubting.

Maybe I saw another student’s box and felt insecure about my own work, or perhaps someone said something I can’t remember all these decades later, but I do remember the confidence draining.

So when the teacher gave out the opportunity for students who weren’t finished to continue working on their projects during recess, I jumped at the chance like someone had just offered me one of Willy Wonka’s golden tickets.

I did some quick research with an Encyclopedia Britannica and found that Spain is known for some impressive architecture, so with construction paper, a tissue box and 20 minutes, I fashioned some kind of building, relieving the cow and the doll of their duties, and covering up all the spectators with Scotch tape and sheets of green and yellow.

To this day I can remember the disappointment on my teacher’s face when I asked to change it up. She knew the box I started with represented a lot of effort and watching me doubt it and haphazardly change things out of fear certainly left her disheartened for me. I received a good grade, but deep down we both knew the first plan was better.

Sadly, that’s not the last time I have wimped out because of doubts and fear and uncertainty. When I am convinced I have a purpose or a calling or an assignment to do, I can start out full force. I am excited and feel passionate about it. Then something happens. I start to question if I have what it takes or whether it’s really something that’s needed. I wonder if it’s something other people will support. I start seeing myself falling flat on my face.

Priscilla Shirer, in Discerning the Voice of God, says “You will know God’s voice because it will bring encouragement along with conviction.” God speaks with conviction, while the enemy speaks with condemnation, she says. “When (God) speaks to you, His words will carry the continued hope of intimacy, friendship, and reconciled relationship.”

Those thoughts I have, mentioned toward the end of the paragraph before last, certainly don’t fall under the category of intimacy, friendship, or relationship. They are harsh and damaging and meant to tear me down.

So, when I am hearing the Holy Spirit guide my heart toward a new purpose or passion or calling and destructive thoughts come my way, I have three jobs to do:

1.       Pray – I need to ask the Holy Spirit to renew the excitement I had when He first led me to this new thing and ask Him to make it so very clear if it is not a thing from Him.

2.       Remember – the power/talent/resources I need to do the thing He is asking me to do are from Him and He will make sure I am equipped with them. He doesn’t leave us empty handed.

3.       Get on with it – I must ask God for the first step of my assignment and do it with enthusiasm and delight, then listen for the next step.

So, join me. Put away the construction paper and let’s walk that parade with confidence. If He has asked us to do it, we are as equipped and prepared as we need to be.

“Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.” Proverbs 3:6 (NLT)

Short Assignments

Short Assignments
Someone else’s great picture of July 4 fireworks at Camden Park

Camden Park was always the highlight of July 4th. My parents, sister and I would hop into the car and head to Westmoreland to watch the fireworks. We would park the car, walk down the street and find a good spot to settle in and wait for the show.

*Fun memory – once we were driving in a super long kind of car like all cars were then in a terrible shade of pea green and as unflattering as that sounds, we were apparently not the only ones. We climbed back into the car and started to shut the doors when we realized that the clothes in the backseat were not ours. It wasn’t our car. We jumped out as fast as we could and kept walking. This was in the ‘80s when locking your car in Huntington wasn’t as big of a deal.*

The whistle of the explosives spiraling to the sky and waiting to see which color it would be, and sometimes a couple at a time – it was so beautiful. Then the occasional noise that sounded like a canon but produced no visual show. I’m sure there are people who love those too. Then the end, the grand finale – fireworks all popping up together, one after another, lighting up the night sky, leaving everyone watching enchanted.  The whole thing probably lasted only 20 minutes or less, but it is something I remember now, more than 30 years later.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about my life’s purpose and wondering what is next in my life, and I think I have misunderstood what a life’s purpose is. I’ve always thought it was a profession – someone’s purpose would be to be a pastor or a missionary or a teacher or something.  While that can play a big part of it, the longer I’ve been following Jesus, I see that there is so much more to it. Our purpose includes whatever He is asking us to do right now.

Sometimes these things He is asking are more long-term – teaching a Sunday School class for years and years or fostering a kid who desperately needs to know love.

Sometimes it’s a very short assignment – in fact, we always have short assignments. There are always people to whom we can show kindness.  We have neighbors to compliment. We have office-mates we can do something special for when they are having a bad day. We have the poor we can help, the lonely we can visit. Friends that need our prayers.

And we don’t always need a direct command sent from God straight to us to do these short-term actions. He has already given them to us in His Word. Love your neighbor as yourself (Mark 12:31); Whoever gives to the poor will not want (Proverbs 28:27); Be kind to one another (Ephesians 4:32)… There are dozens more. And just like there are some things  we  expect from our children without them needing to be told –  like brushing  their teeth or playing nice – there are things God has already listed for us in Scripture that we know to do.

These seemingly small acts may appear minuscule in the grand scheme of life, but their effects can last a long time. Just like the fireworks, the show was short-lived, but the effect has lasted more than 30 years.

If you don’t feel like you have a long-term kind of purpose yet, don’t worry about that. God will let you know what you need to know when you need to know it. But I promise you that you already have a short-term purpose you can fulfill this very day.  Keep your eyes open.

A Redeemer of Hope

A Redeemer of Hope
People Walking, by DM Grace

I have a recurring dream where I am in a car and we are driving crazy-fast on dangerous, hilly roads, when we go airborne and I’m always certain this is my final day on earth Then, just before landing, I wake up. The waking up part is one of the best feelings in the world. So terrified, then suddenly such relief.

I remember falling asleep in tears one night, a bunch of years ago, certain I had done so much damage to our marriage that we would be finished. I felt more shame and hopelessness than I ever have felt any other time in my life. And when I woke up the next morning, I was groggily piecing things together in m y mind, hoping that I could tell myself it all had been a dream. But as my story came together in my head, I was crushed to remember it all had been true.

This was real and happening and I was facing a future I didn’t know. The pit in my stomach grew. I had no hope for us.

Being without hope is a lonely, dark place. I hope you haven’t been there, but if you have then you know what I’m talking about.

In Luke 24, two followers of Jesus were walking along a road after Jesus’ crucifixion, feeling an extreme level of hopelessness, when Jesus showed up to talk to them. He didn’t let them realize it was Him, and instead asked them something like, “Whatcha talking about?” They told Him about this Jesus being a prophet who was so powerful, but that the leaders had given Him the death sentence and crucified Him. They went on to say, “but we had hoped that he was the one who was going to redeem Israel.” (v. 21)

But we had hoped.

Hope is such a beautiful word, but “had hoped” is heart-breaking. Once there was hope, but now there is not. We are past that time when we were anticipating a rescue or restoration or healing to a time where we can’t see nay signs of hope anywhere. It was a nice dream.

After spending the evening with these guys talking to them about Scripture and staying at their home and blessing their bread and giving it to them at their table, Luke says, “their eyes were opened.” They suddenly were able to see their Christ, the One they “had hoped” would redeem their people. He was not dead at all but had been with them all day.

Jesus met them where they were to restore their hope.

This is so significant to me for many reasons, but one is that He remained on this earth a mere 40 days after his resurrection. That He chose to spend nearly an entire day with these two to help restore their faith is something that makes me love Him even more, if that’s possible. This is a Savior who cares so much about each one of us that He will go to great lengths to bring back our hope. He loves us so much.

Jesus has restored my hope in Him so many times. And thankfully He also restored my hope for my marriage. He redeemed us, and I still can’t get over it.

Whatever is going on in your life, I don’t want you to lose hope. But I know of Someone who is happy to restore it when you do.

He does it in His own way and in His own time, but He will do it. It may not look a thing like you planned or imagined but trust His ways. There is always hope in Him.

“We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.”
Hebrews 6:19a

Flashback Episodes


I love sitcoms, and when you find a really funny one it’s the best. But the worst is when you sit down to watch one and a couple minutes in you know it’s coming. “Dorothy, you remember that time that…?” or “Rose, have you forgotten when…?” And they stare off into the distance as the room screen gets foggy and switches to another scene. Then you know you are in for an episode of 15 tiny clips of shows you have already seen.

Flashback episodes are the worst.

Don’t get me wrong, the clips are always funny, and having seen most of them, I know the context, but it’s just not the same. Its like the writers wanted to take a couple of days off and whipped this up while waiting to board the plane to Fiji.

A couple of mornings ago, I was reading my Bible on my way through Acts when I got to chapter 7.  At the end of chapter 6, Stephen was chosen to be in the group to assist the apostles with their serving people, focusing on providing food. He also did an excellent job of living like Jesus, and God blessed him with the ability to do “wonders and miraculous signs among the people.” (chap. 6 v. 8) Some people didn’t like him and basically were jealous of Stephen and spread some rumors to get him in trouble. It worked, and in the beginning of chapter 7, the high priest asked if what they said was true?

Stephen begins his flashback episode in verse 2.

As much as I dislike them in my favorite television shows, I love a good flashback episode in the Bible. In Acts 7, Stephen goes through the story of Abraham and his obedience to God, and his faith in God giving him a son, Isaac. He goes on to tell about Isaac’s son Joseph, and all the descendants enslaved in Egypt, and then Moses, God choosing him to lead the Israelites.  He then speaks of David. All these leaders in our Bible – Stephen knew all about them and was willing to tell people about it up until his last breath.

Hebrews chapter 11 is another flashback episode, and probably my favorite (Memorizing this chapter before I die is on my bucket list). Person after person is listed, showing how they believed in God and obeyed Him, even when it was hard.

There’s a mini flashback episode in James, and I’m sure there are many others scattered about the Bible. These are so valuable. To be able to look at how other people were obedient or repentant or passionate about what God had called them to do, and to see how faithful God was to them, is so encouraging.

If you ever feel like you doubt God is going to come through with what He has promised, reading His Word reminds us how we have no reason to fear, and we can always trust Him. Take a few minutes to read some of these scriptures and thank God for his faithfulness. Pray about the thing in your own life that has given you doubts and ask Him to help you have the faith you need.

Our God is always faithful.

Go Home and Tell Your Story


“As Jesus was getting into the boat, the man who had been demon-possessed begged to go with him. Jesus did not let him, but said, ‘Go home to your family and tell them how much the Lord has done for you and how he has had mercy on you.’”  Mark 5:18

One of my favorite things in the world is eating out at a restaurant. I do like to cook, but the experience of sitting down with your people, ordering what you want and it being brought to your table like magic is my favorite. When I was a kid, we always ate out on Friday nights. We would go to Rax for a roast beef sandwich and salad bar, and then shopping at Hills Department Store. My own family has our own days where we usually will go somewhere for dinner, but Sundays are always iffy. One of us will usually ask on the way home from church, What’s for dinner? Then it’s the usual, “Whatever you want is fine,” and so on, until someone finally makes a suggestion.


Almost always I will say, “Are we talking restaurant, or something at home?” And my mood can completely change. I don’t know what is, but when the option of going somewhere fancy is dangling there, and the choice is to go home, it is a complete mood changer for me.
In Mark 5, there was a guy who didn’t want to go home either. The chapter starts with the Jesus and the disciple on a boat.
Jesus had just silenced the storms on the lake, and he and the disciples were traveling to land when a “madman” ran straight for Jesus, dropped to his knees in front of Him and was screaming to Jesus. Jesus told the evil spirits to get out of him, and the spirits pleaded not to be tortured. They asked Jesus to let them go in a huge group of pigs that were nearby, minding their own business. Jesus okayed that and the spirits jumped into the pigs and the pigs jumped off a steep bank into the lake and drowned. For some reason, this freaked the village out and they asked Jesus to leave town.
But back to this guy – the demons left, and here he is, now with clothes on and completely sane. This is when Scripture said people became afraid.

This is a guy who at the beginning of the chapter was untamable. He ripped through chains that tied him down. No one was strong enough to control him. He spent his days screaming and cutting himself in the graveyard.
Now here he is, completely fine in normal everyday clothes, having normal conversations.
This guy’s life had been completely changed, and he wanted to be near the One who made it happen. He begged to go with Jesus. But Jesus said No. The guy could have been insulted, feeling like Jesus didn’t want him around, but the truth was that home was a bigger mission. He could have followed Jesus around and watched Him doing all the miracles, or he could be back with his people and sharing what happened with anyone who would listen, spreading the name of Jesus even farther. Jesus knew the better option.
The guy did what Jesus said. He went home to his town and told his story. He told what Jesus did for him. All around his town, people were hearing about Jesus and the difference He had made in this guy’s life. He was spreading the gospel with his own story, and “All the people were amazed.” (v.20)
The demons begged Jesus to let them leave, and this guy begged Jesus to let him stay. But Jesus knew best. This guy’s story would make a difference, and not just to his family and friends, but to his entire town.

Jill Briscoe is, among other things, a wonderful speaker. If you have never heard her, you need to. Anyway, in a sermon she was giving, one thing she said made such an impact on me.
“You go where you’re sent, and you stay where you’re put, and you give what you’ve got.”
The perfect formula for obedience.

Our guy in Scripture did this very thing. He went home where Jesus sent him, he stayed in his town, and he told his story, just like Jesus told him to do. This resulted in an entire town amazed at what Jesus had done.

If you ever feel like your calling isn’t big enough, I hope you can remember this. I’m sure being one of Jesus’ followers would have seemed like a big deal, and just going back home was completely ordinary. But his ordinary calling is what made the most difference. Even the things that seem simple or ordinary can be made into something extraordinary in the hands of Jesus.
Your story might not seem big enough, but trust me, it is. Someone is needing to hear it.



Who Do You Say I Am?


I do.

I’ve only been to one wedding vow renewal. It was unusual for around here, with Celtic music and a procession of flags. I wasn’t at the first wedding, so maybe it was some kind of throwback to that. Who knows?

There are lots of reasons people give for having them. Sometimes it is to mark a special anniversary, 10, 20, 25 years (I think this was the reason for the one I attended). Sometimes a renewal is done after a difficult situation the couple has overcome – a rough patch or an illness, etc. And sometimes it is simply to let the world know they would do this all over again. While Shawn and I have experienced all these reasons, neither of us would want to do a ceremony. He said he meant it when he said them the first time, and I’m not a fan of being the center of attention. But they can be a beautiful thing and important for a lot of people.

It’s all too easy to completely love your person and mean all words you promised them on your special day, then life and laundry and bills get in the way.

Sometimes it’s just important to take some time to remember why and confirm it again.
In Mark chapter 8, Jesus is traveling with his disciples and Jesus throws a question to them- “Who do people say I am?”

In verse 28, “They replied, ‘Some say John the Baptist; others say Elijah; and still others, one of the prophets.’”

Then Jesus turns it to them at the beginning of verse 29.

“’But what about you?’ he asked. ‘Who do you say I am?’’

And Peter speaks up, saying, “You are the Messiah.”

Peter had been with Jesus for some time at this point. He had watched as Jesus napped on a boat and then controlled the weather with his words. Peter saw demons not only disappear from a man but saw them then enter right into 2,000 pigs at the command of Jesus. He heard Jesus teach and spent so much time with him. He saw Jesus heal a very sick woman and then a tween girl who was pronounced dead began breathing again with the touch of his hand and the power of his words. He saw bread and fish multiplied in ways that were unexplainable apart from the very power of God. He saw even more than all of this by the time Jesus had asked, “Who do you say I am?”

I think Peter knew before that day that Jesus was the Messiah. And I think Jesus knew that Peter knew. But I also think Jesus knew it was beneficial for Peter to press pause for a second and let the question sink in and confirm it once again. I *do* believe You are the Messiah.

Peter didn’t even simply say, “We call You the Messiah.” Peter declared it. “You are the Messiah.”

Maybe you are like me and could benefit from doing this today too. Pause for a second and ask yourself, “Who do you say He is?” “Who do you believe He is?” Let’s remind ourselves of the things we have seen Him do, and the things we read He did in Scripture. Write those things down if you are near a scrap of paper or your phone. Let it sink in for a minute and remember who we say He is.

Happy Little Trees



Noah and I were finishing up the day with an episode of “Chill with Bob Ross” on Netflix.

Bob’s canvas was covered with a mix of Titanium white, Prussian blue and Midnight black across the top for the sky, and a slightly darker version of the mixture for a pond beneath it. He had just blended it perfectly and it looked beautiful and serene. Bob is a genius. Everything he paints turns out top-notch and he does it in a way that calms us, with his kind, encouraging words. In this episode he even had a tiny bird perched on his finger while sharing memories from his childhood. He has a way of lowering your blood pressure in just one episode.

Even though I know he is going to do something incredible, when he takes that metal painting knife covered in a dollop of midnight black and drags it right down the center of his masterpiece, I’m sure for a moment that he has completely ruined it. That this episode is certainly the one time he regrets what he has done and we all feel sad. But then he starts fanning the paint out, a little to the left, a little to the right, and continues it to the bottom of the line of paint. It turns into one of his happy little trees. Even then, I think, Are you sure Bob? Right in the middle of the water? Trees don’t grow there. I don’t think this is right. I keep my eyes glued to the screen and watch him as he then grabs a different brush and starts fanning a darker shade of paint southward and it turns this tree in the middle of the sea into this tiny edge of a snowy forest on the side of a pond, complete with reflections on the water. I don’t know how he does it.

As I was questioning Bob, the questions and doubts felt familiar. I have asked God the very same things. I see my life or the lives of the people I love and how things are going great, pretty smooth and pretty easy, when He suddenly drags the painting knife right down the middle in a harsh shade that doesn’t seem to go with everything else, and I start to question. What are You doing? Things are good, why do You need to add this? What is the purpose? There is no way this can turn into something good. This is the one time You have made the wrong move.

But, of course I’m wrong. He knows what He is doing. Every single time. It doesn’t always turn into a happy little tree so quickly, but it gets there eventually. Sometimes even the finished product doesn’t look like we think it should. But we aren’t the Artist. He is the One with a plan, and all the steps along the way to see it out.

If you are finding yourself in the middle of your fresh, seemingly misplaced, line of harsh paint right in the middle of your easy-going canvas, this is to remind you that you aren’t alone and that often these steps are needed to get the result we will really want the most.

Trusting is hard. But when you can remember time and time again how faithful and right God has been in your life, and then remember all the times you have heard your friends and family talk about how God came through for them, and then recall the stories written in the Bible, where we see God showing up over and over – our trust can grow a little bit more. He has a good track record and I promise He knows what He is doing.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.” – Proverbs 3:5

Look For His Shirt


Image may contain: flower, plant, outdoor and nature

Sometime in the fall our church joined the other churches in our community for a prayer walk, and for probably a mile or so we all came together asking God for so many things we want for the Highlawn area. We prayed for the school, other churches, the hospital – you name it, it was covered. It was a beautiful day, with colored leaves on the trees and on the sidewalks and in neighborhood yards.

There are few things I love more than finding a big, extra crisp one, stepping right on top of it and hearing the crunch. During the walk I was distracted by these beauties and when I looked up, I realized I wasn’t in the same place in our large group. I couldn’t see Shawn anymore. I was looking all around me, but wasn’t having much luck finding him.
Everyone was taller than me so couldn’t see very far ahead of where I was, but then when I peeked around the right side of the group, up ahead I could see a bit of a red shirt. I knew he was wearing red, and felt pretty confident it was him. It was just enough for me to keep my eyes on until our next stop when I could meet back up with him.
Sometimes I find myself losing God in my crowd. Things pile in around me and I can’t see over the doubt, the fear, the uncertainty. Looking around I can find the tall disappointment, and I can see the broad-shouldered comparison, but where is God?

Then without fail, He will come into view and I can see a smidgeon of red, wondering if that just might be his sleeve. It is the hope I need to keep going.

In Luke chapter 8, a woman had been sick for 12 years, and no doctors could help her. She knows Jesus is passing by, and knew that if she could just get so close to be able to touch his clothes, it would be enough. She knew she just needed to be near Him.

She was right. Immediately, without even a word said, He did what doctors could not.
And I love so much that Scripture says “she could not go unnoticed.” She was settling for just being near Him, but He wanted to see her, up close. He called her “daughter.”

Being near did the job, but Jesus didn’t want it to stay that way. He got closer.

Are you facing something that seems much bigger than you, and you can’t seem to see God in it anywhere? Pray for a glimpse. All we really need is to know He is near.

Are distracted by all the things – the doubt, the comparison, the lies of the enemy? Look for His shirt.

Thankfully these times aren’t the norm. Often I feel like Jesus is right there, in my line of vision. And there are other times I feel like He is close enough to be holding my hand. But for those moments when I just can’t seem to find Him, I am so glad I can look for His shirt and that will be enough to keep me going. He is always close by.

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”
Joshua 1:9

Birds and Purpose



Little bits of twigs, string, and mud all smooshed together to help our back porch lights become a housing community for our neighborhood birds wanting to start their families. We were delighted to see a new nest this year with three teensy eggs and two loving parents patiently caring for their new bundles of joy. It is so fun to watch. First the nest is built, then the parents are waiting and waiting, taking turns keeping their precious eggs warm and protected in the wind, rain and unexpected snow. Before long, tiny bald heads peep out over the top with their beaks wide open, anticipating Mom or Dad’s breakfast runs. I love watching them, but it seems to go by so quickly.

 I remember a couple of years back when Noah was turning 15. He had gone to the movies with some friends and Shawn and I were eating in the food court. My friend Mona walked by and was chatting with us for a minute, where of course I lamented how quickly time is flying by and I don’t want Noah to grow up and it’s all going to be over soon, blah blah blah. Then she shared words of wisdom with me, saying how it is normal and natural for things to grow. She said, “When baby birds grow up, they leave the nest. Wouldn’t it look so silly to see a nest full of grown up birds all stuffed in it?” It was a funny picture in my head, but it was words I haven’t forgotten. She was right. When the time comes, they leave the nest. It is the way it is supposed to be.

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven” – Ecclesiastes 3:1

Another wise woman, my mother-in-law, said how she has enjoyed every single part of her kids’ lives. She doesn’t mourn for the parts that are over, she embraces what is happening right now. And I think that can be true for all of us, with or without kids.

Whether you are a new parent, missing the days when you can sleep in, or one who just watched their last child graduate from high school. Whether you just retired from your job, or are moving a parent in to live with you. Sure, there were great parts about what we just finished, and we can be thankful and delightfully remember them. But there is something good right in front of you.

I don’t pretend to know everything. Some of you might be going through the toughest times of your lives right this moment. But I can tell you that there is something to embrace and be thankful for even then. During some of the toughest times of my life, I have found that’s when I find myself scooching closer and closer to God, and those are times I wouldn’t trade for anything. Learning to depend on Him, trust Him, and know Him better through time in Scripture and prayer have all been more of a blessing than I could have anticipated. He doesn’t waste anything.

During those really hard, icky times, there is always something we can learn. And there is always something we can give. A friend who works in Hospice shared with me this week how that is a struggle some of her patients go through. They wonder how God can use them and what purpose their lives can have while they are confined to their bed in a nursing home. She said it’s harder to accept, but that sometimes that purpose isn’t something for them, but for someone else.  The purpose might be that someone else sees how you can have joy even through suffering, and through that learn more about this Jesus that you are longing to see. If you have breath, you still have purpose.

Keep your eyes peeled and your hearts open to whatever God has for you in this day, in this moment.

“For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”  – Ephesians 2:5

He Loves Us Through Our Failings


Image result for psalm 37:24


At exactly 7 minutes before the lovely bride was to walk down the aisle, I realized I should run to the restroom. It was a building I had never been to before, but as I turned around I saw the tiny bathroom sign toward the back of the open space, I told my people I would be right back.

Image result for women's restroom sign transparent background

I placed my hand on the doorknob and opened it to see the entire selection of groomsmen on the other side of the door.

Many of you quick-witted friends of mine would know exactly what to say in such a scenario to make that a laughable experience. I, on the other hand, with eyes as big as saucers and mouth agape, stood there for approximately 0.5 seconds, said nothing then shoved the door closed and speed-walked back to my seat.

I  may have never moved so fast in all my life. Except those times I’ve shoved a direction from the Holy Spirit right out of my mind. I can do that pretty quickly.

A thousand times in my life I have felt a nudge from the Holy Spirit to do something – send the card, make the phone call, set up the lunch date – and just as quickly as I turned around from that bathroom, the idea that just entered my mind will leave. The card doesn’t get sent, the call doesn’t get made, and there is no lunch. All my good intentions are blown away like a napkin from a picnic table, never to be seen again. I am not proud of this, but am hoping you will join me in this time of confession, letting me know I am not the only one.

This sort of thing will leave me feeling like a big, fat failure, and happens more times than I care to admit. Sometimes the feeling comes from following through with something I was pretty sure God has asked me to do, but somewhere along the way feeling certain this isn’t the thing He is asking of me right now. It leaves me wondering if I heard Him wrong to start with, or if that particular calling for my life was for a temporary season, or – worst of all – that I tried it but God must have decided I wasn’t good at it after all. I am gifted at being dramatic.

Sometimes my attitude is the problem. I will do whatever it is I am asked/called to do, but my attitude is clearly not of someone who is on a mission from God.

All of this will leave me briefly wondering if God looks at me as a disappointment. I know I am not alone in this, as a friend just told me last night that she feels this way right now.

It’s funny how I work super hard to find scripture and truth that can prove to others that these crummy feelings aren’t valid at all, but when it is myself feeling this way, I tend to wallow.

I’ve recently read through the book of Job, and learned some stuff about him that might help you as well. I had always credited him for going through hard things and never losing faith and staying strong through the whole thing. But I will challenge you to read the entire book if you haven’t. It was such a comfort to me to see this man who did not handle it perfectly, who complained, felt deserted, and cursed his very birth, still be used and blessed by God.

And what did God say about him? “Have you considered my servant Job? There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil.” (1:8)

God, who knew how this was going to go, sees Job as blameless and upright. He sees him as a man who will stick it out, even when it is hard. A man who is going to get whiny beginning in chapter 3, who is going to feel forsaken, and who begins to question his very Maker – God has said there is no one on earth like him.

God knows we are going to mess up, but He is our Father who will guide us through it. It might require putting us in our place like it did for Job in chapters 38-41, but He will continue holding on to us, redirecting our failures and bad attitudes, and loving us through it all. He is a good Father.

“The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives.
Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand.”
Psalm 37:23-24