Written February 2018

What happened in Florida has broken my heart. The tears kept coming as I saw the faces and heard stories of those who died. The tears come as I think of the mom who made it her life’s mission to love and care for this boy who would ultimately end the lives of 17 innocent people. My heart breaks wondering why he did it. Wondering if there was anything at all that could have prevented it.

I have no idea what the right answer is. I felt helpless and fearful. Wednesday evening we were researching bulletproof backpacks, and it breaks my heart that that even has to be a thing. Thursday morning, I didn’t want to send my son to school and I am sure I am not the only one who was feeling this way.

I pray with my son every day on the way to school, and every night before bed, asking God to protect him, and protect his school, and his friends. I am also certain I am not the only one who does this, and I wonder which Parkland moms were praying that Wednesday morning as their kids left them, and wondering how those moms are making sense of all of this now.

It leaves me wanting heaven. Wanting the day when Jesus makes it all right again. But here we are.

While a good bunch of people will be talking to their representatives and leaders, asking for law changes and action, it can leave the rest of us just hoping something changes but feeling powerless to make it happen. There is something we can do though, and we can do it today.

Keep your eyes open. Look for people around you who are alone, who are different, who are hurting. Talk to them. Care about them as if they are your kid, your sister, your dad.
If you are a teenager, look around the room. You will see kids at school, at church, at practice, sitting alone quietly, not quite feeling included. Please talk to them. Not in a pity way (though even that is better than nothing) but in a way that Jesus would. In a way that wants to really know them and sees value in them. Everyone has value.

If you are an adult at church, look for that kid sitting alone. Ask about what he does for fun. What he wants to be when he grows up. Take a genuine interest in his life. Pray for him, and ask him for specifics on what he needs prayer for. Follow up the next time you see him, asking how his test was, or if he saw the latest episode of whatever his favorite show is. Love him like Jesus would. It might be weird at first, but it is so very valuable.
If you are a neighbor, get to know that girl who walks by your house. Intentionally be available to make conversation. Find a way to show her that you see her, and that God made her for a purpose.

And this doesn’t just apply to teenagers. Look for the lonely adults, the people your age, the ones older than you, anyone who could use someone to value them. I am preaching to myself here too, because sometimes I am lazy, and skip the conversations. We can do better.

I am not saying this will stop all, or even any of the shootings, or that I have the answer.

But I think it is a good place to start.

“Love one another as I have loved you.” – John 15:12

Kankelfritz is afraid of the vacuum cleaner. When he sees it coming, this grey kitten’s hazel eyes get as big as saucers, and panic sets in. He takes off running, typically to the inside of the hollow leg of our air hockey table. All you can see is his tail sticking out from underneath. He will stay there for hours, even occasionally skipping a meal. The dark, private, secluded space seems safer, so he stays.

So if you ever come to my house and my carpet isn’t freshly vacuumed, I’m not being lazy –  I’m doing it for the kittens. Whatever.

There have been times that I forget he is in there. Feeding time rolls around, and only his brother Stank will come running, and then it hits me that I haven’t seen Kankelfritz in a long time.
He was in his hole and I didn’t notice.
I was reading Scripture this morning, in the book of Jeremiah, and in chapter 38, things take a rough turn for Jeremiah. Prophets don’t always get the joy of delivering delightful news; occasionally they have to say some hard things. People got tired of hearing Jeremiah’s words of their upcoming punishment. A group of officials went to the king and explained that Jeremiah was being a bit of a Debbie Downer. He was bringing down the mood of the soldiers and everyone else, and it might be better if he were dead. The king wimped out and agreed to let them do what they needed to, so they put Jeremiah in a deep, muddy pit, and left him there to die.

But somebody noticed.

Ebed-Melech heard about Jeremiah in the hole, and decided he wouldn’t stand for it. He went to the king, and sought justice. He told the king that what happened to Jeremiah was unjust and wicked, and something must be done.

He went to bat for Jeremiah.

The king agreed to save him, and sent Ebed-Melech and 30 other men to do the hard work of getting him out. Thanks to this guy, Jeremiah’s life was saved.

I have been in a hole.

A friend and I were talking the other day and we agreed that sometimes we get comfortable in our holes and don’t want to come out. The blah-ness and isolation and melancholy can begin to feel comfortable, like a warm blanket.

Mine has lasted longer this time than it has in the past. It’s hard to pinpoint exactly what shoved me in, but here I sit.

But a friend noticed.

She invited me out for breakfast. She forced me to be social. She knew it was for my own good. She encouraged me. She also reminded me that she has been in the pit before too, and had help getting out. That’s what we do.

I want to be more like my friend, and more like Ebed-Melech. I want to be the one who notices, and does something about it. Join me in praying God will make us more aware of the people around us who could use a hand, and for us to get on with a plan to help get them out.

“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”
Galations 6:2

It puts me on edge whenever the nurse leaves the room at the doctor’s office and closes the door behind her. I would love to leave it cracked at least 6 inches – enough for the staff to see that a light is still on. I am certain no one will remember I am in there and everyone will go home.

That actually happened to my mom once. She had gone to the dentist and they said the dentist would be in to see her soon, only he wasn’t. And being unable to walk, she was kind of stuck up in her dental chair. She had only one option. She started yelling.

Sure enough, earlier the dentist had an emergency and had to leave, and the staff cancelled other appointments but forgot about the one in the back.

Thankfully, someone heard her and came running back just in time before they went home. It was hilarious then when she told me the story, and it’s still really funny. But it certainly doesn’t reassure me that I will always be remembered at my appointments.

I won’t lie – there are times I feel like God has forgotten me. It’s like He checked me in and sent me to the room to wait, and then got His keys and drove home. In my head I know this has not happened, but my heart needs some convincing.

Praying for specific things for days, then weeks, then months, and years – all the while seeing people with larger and smaller requests getting them answered left and right. I start to wonder if He remembers I’m here.

I think it might bring out a couple of unattractive qualities in me – my impatience and my doubt. I’m not proud of it, but we can only begin to heal when we get honest.

I felt a teensy bit less alone with this issue when I read up on John the Baptist in Scripture. In Matthew 11, he is struggling and in prison. A little background – John was filled with the Holy Spirit at birth in Luke chapter 1. He went around telling everyone about Jesus and baptizing them in Matthew chapter 3, and in the same chapter he baptizes Jesus himself.

And now he is sitting in prison, and sends this message to Jesus: “Are you the one who was to come, or should we expect someone else?” Matthew 11: 3

John the Baptist had known who Jesus was. He publicly endorsed Him and said he wasn’t even worthy to tie Jesus’ shoes. He fully believed. Then he got in a crummy situation and started to question.

Jesus even went on to send a message to John about all the miracles that were happening while John was in prison. Blind people getting to see; people walking who couldn’t before; people who couldn’t hear, now know what birds sound like; even people who have died now have a heartbeat and lungs breathing in and out. He also tells John that the poor are receiving hope through His message.

He answered John’s question, but doesn’t get him out of his sticky situation. John was still in prison, but he gets reassurance that Jesus is, in fact, the Messiah. That the work of God is continuing outside of John’s prison walls.

And it turns out Jesus hadn’t forgotten him. In Matthew 11, Jesus told his crowd all about John. He even said, “Among those born of women there has not risen anyone greater than John the Baptist.” (v.7)

He used John and his story to continue preaching to the people. He wasn’t forgotten.

Why John’s life ended the way it did, I do not know. I am sure John had questions himself. Certainly, Jesus could have spoken the words and freed him from prison. But for some reason John didn’t know, and we don’t know yet, God had a different plan for him.

I have asked God for answers for people I love so much, and the answer seems to be no, all the while people around us are getting their yeses. It’s hard to understand. But it’s comforting to know that we aren’t alone in our doubts, and to know that Jesus can handle them. We can ask, “Are you out there?” And He will answer. Sometimes He answers by reminding me of prayers He has recently answered that I have forgotten about in my pity party. And He answers by showing me His love. He answers with Scripture. He always answers

He is out there and we are not forgotten.

“I cried out, ‘I am slipping!’ but your unfailing love, O Lord, supported me. When doubts filled my mind, your comfort gave me renewed hope and cheer.” Psalm 94:18-19

Mabye Jennifer Aniston and I could be pals if we ever came across each other in real life. She is delightful and I love her as an actress. Well, I love her in Friends, and she did a good job in Marley and Me.

*Side note- Marley and Me might have been a great movie, but it makes me have guilt as a parent every time I think about it. Apparently, you should research what a movie is about before taking your kid to see it. Don’t just check the rating. Like, for instance, if you see that a cute dog movie is playing, make sure you know that dog is still alive by the end of the movie, especially, let’s say, when your cat who has been alive your child’s entire life passed away 5 days earlier. Don’t judge me. I wasn’t the only one, okay? There were patches of crying children and comforting parents *all across the theater*  after the movie was over. Either the next showing started later, or the ushers left the popcorn and spilled Raisinettes on the floor, because we didn’t clear out of there quickly. (Perhaps I shouldn’t have spoiled the movie for you just now, but come on – that movie is more than a decade old. If you haven’t seen it by now, you aren’t going to)

**A side note to that side note- My young friend from church was moving to Florida a couple of years ago and we went to see a movie before the big move South, and I chose Inside Out. If you haven’t seen that one, you should because it’s great, but don’t watch it with anyone who is moving 15 hours away from all their friends. Sorry, Flynn. I should never pick movies for anyone ever. It is not my gift.

Back to Jen. I don’t love her quite as much in her commercials. I just don’t find them believable. I can’t picture her at the Walmart laying down her 10 bucks for Aveeno as her only means of keeping herself moisturized.

I’m skeptical of famous people pushing their cheap products on commercials, trying to convince us we need it because it works so well for them. As if I believe that Sarah Jessica Parker really only spends $7 on Garnier hair dye and sits in her bathroom with her hair flipped over the tub, setting the egg timer for 20 minutes. And, Henry Winkler, I have a hard time believing the Fonz ever made the decision to do a reverse mortgage to bring in some cash.

I just don’t trust you if you are giving me advice without experience to back it up.

I heard a sermon by Britt Merrick who was talking about a person who was going to run a race. Who would that person go to for pointers and advice on the route? Someone who had merely looked at the route? Maybe someone who had helped plan the route? Someone who gave up halfway through a race? Someone who made a wrong turn? Or someone who completed it? While they all could have *some* good advice for sure, the best option is the person who made it all the way to the finish line.

God gave us Jesus. His sacrifice for us on the cross is for sure the best thing ever, but an added gift for us is the 33 years he lived on this planet. He walked like we do, had relationships like we do, learned like we do. He gets us.

He is able to know from personal experience the things that we go through.

Because of that, we can have an extra level of confidence in what He taught us. He wasn’t giving us empty words when He told us that we would be blessed if we are peacemakers. He meant it when He said the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to those who are persecuted because of righteousness. He wasn’t assuming it’s possible to love our enemies; He had enemies himself and gave his very life for them. He knew what it was like to want to find a way out of something, but to submit to the will of God instead. He experienced his own friends deserting him. He knew what it felt like to be alone. He knew how it felt to be hungry, to be tired, to be thirsty.

Friend, what you have been through, He has been through, in one form or another, and He made it to the finish line. While we will likely have times where we fail along the way, He is who we keep our eyes on to keep going. He picks us right back up and points the way.

So, lets not give up. When you are struggling, know you aren’t alone. We all go through the hard things. Life isn’t easy, and it won’t be this side of Heaven. Keep your eyes on Jesus. And don’t miss out on the people He has put in your life to help along the way. And while you are at it, keep your eyes on the lookout for your brothers and sisters who may be struggling as well, finding opportunities to help and encourage them as well.

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are – yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”
Hebrews 4:15-16

Writing for the newspaper at Marshall University was intimidating. I was an older student by the time I decided what I wanted to do with my life, so I already felt a bit out of place. My “beat” was religion, and I basically wrote about any religious groups on campus that were doing something – giving out hot dogs, hosting a seminar, etc. To ensure that we all got as much experience as we could, there were a few assignments that we had for the semester that had nothing to do with our category.

One of those was sports.

I was dreading that for most of the semester. I am not a sports person. I have a difficult time paying attention to what is going on in a game of any kind, and do not know the rules. I also use my own terminology to make it easier for me to understand. In football, “downs” are called “tries.” In baseball, “runs” are still “points” to me.

I tried to get around covering any kind of actual sports thing by doing a couple of sports-ish articles. One was on the Herd’s football chaplain at the time, Pastor Steve Harvey. He was delightful and told me a sweet story about one of his former players, C. J. Spillman, who had gone on to play for the San Diego Chargers.

After hearing him talk about this guy, I got this idea that just maybe I could find a way to get in touch with him.  I remembered something my professor had once said.

“You are a reporter.”

She said that we can call anywhere, contact anyone, or get permission to go anywhere that paid journalists can.

When she said this, it gave me so much more confidence than I would have had otherwise. I wasn’t just a student trying to get a passing grade, hoping to one day be a reporter at a real paper. I was a reporter writing news for readers, plain and simple.

That gave me the confidence to call up the San Diego Chargers media department and get clearance and an appointment to interview Mr. Spillman the following afternoon.

I don’t remember what the story was about or much of the seven minutes I was able to talk to him. But I can tell you that it increased my confidence, it increased the value that I saw in my work, and it increased my boldness for the next time I had a story idea.

I was thinking of this the other day and realized I need to duplicate this line of thinking in my prayer and my relationship with God.

I sometimes forget to pray big. To dream with God. To trust that He hears me and cares just as much for me as He cared for Moses, for David, for Elijah. I’m not trying to say that God should do everything I ask Him; I’m not that crazy. I am often like a toddler who thinks she knows what she wants but needs her Grownup to know what is really good for her. But I should have the assurance that He is listening.

In James chapter 5, James reminds us of when Elijah prayed confidently for rain to prove to the people that his God is the only God. The whole story is found in 1 Kings 18 and 19, and if you have a minute you should go there because it is awesome.

When James is telling us about it, he starts off with a key point.

“Elijah was a man just like us.” James 5:17a (NIV)

There isn’t anything extra about these people who we read about. They are flawed humans who believe in a big God. That’s us too.

When reading Scripture, remind yourself of this. See what God did for them and know He can do it for you too. Know He is hearing your words.

You are a child of God.

For me, this is a reminder to be more intentional in my prayers. It shouldn’t just be a routine, but an opportunity to talk and listen to the same God Moses and David and Elijah talked and listened to.

I challenge you to make a list of the first five times that come to mind when God showed up for you. Times you were confident He heard you.

If you are struggling with that, I want you to look through your Bible and find five times God came through for the people in those pages. Your God did that! And He can do it for you too. Let’s pray like we believe that.

Jesus had some busy days. 

1. 1.Do I believe God *can* answer my prayer? Yes.  

2. 2.Have I seen God answer prayers for me before? Yes. 

3. 3.If this prayer is for our good, and God could be glorified through it, can I trust He will answer it? Yes 

4. 4.If He chooses not to, can I trust that His reasons are bigger than what I can understand, but that it certainly is not because He fell asleep? Yes. 

When I was in junior high, and parents trusted television a little more than they should, I saw a music video on MTV that featured a beautiful lady with a tattoo of a snake that was the entire length of her arm. Though over the years, my mind somehow decided it was on her leg, and that was what I wanted. That was the coolest thing I had ever seen, and I was determined that when I was old enough, I would make that happen.

Turns out putting age restrictions on things like that are a good idea.

But at the time, I’m pretty sure I wasn’t thankful for these restrictions, not the ones from my parents nor the ones from the government.

As a kid, I didn’t know that was a good thing. It seemed kind of crummy to me. Where’s my freedom? Why can’t I make my own choices?

When I don’t get my way, it’s easy for me, even now, to focus in on that, and forget all the other good things that I have in my life.

No, I didn’t get the 3-foot long snake tattoo (thank you mom and dad), but I did get rules that kept me from getting hepatitis and I had a good education, food, shelter, clothing and teen magazines.

And sometimes when I ask God for something, it goes that way. I asked Him for healing for my Mom, which didn’t happen this side of heaven. But I asked for healing for my niece, and it happened that very moment, so I know He is capable (if I haven’t shared that story, find me – I’d love to tell you). I have asked for jobs and babies and relationships, and not all of it went the way I wanted. Some of these things I still pray for, knowing these deep desires are in the hearts of my friends. And some things that I’ve prayed for, I can see now how it wouldn’t have been the best option.

But we are supposed to be thankful in all of it. I Thessalonians 5:18 tells us to “Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.”

In the book “Anything,” by Jennie Allen, she quoted her friend Rachel, who had many reasons to become bitter in her life. Instead of bitterness, Rachel was filled with joy and love for others, even those who had hurt her, and she said this:

“You have to thank God for the seemingly good and the seemingly bad because really, you don’t know the difference.” (p59)

There are ways that God can use those seemingly bad things to bring about good that our minds can’t even understand.

Sometimes I still might resemble that 12 year-old girl who wants a snake tattoo, not realizing that what I am asking for isn’t for the best, even though it sure seems to me like it is. But I have a Father who looks at me with love, knowing what is best, and holds me through the “No.”

If there is some “No” you have received that has your full attention right now, and you’re not feeling very Thanksgiving-y, take a few minutes to make a list and let God know how thankful you are for the things he has given you, and how much you trust Him as your Father to know what’s best, even during a “No.”

There is a serious freedom that comes with not having to figure it all out, but simply trusting God, and I, for one, am thankful for that.

The day before Christmas break we sat in our classroom, and I watched as the sixth- grade girls began to open their gifts from our teacher. I looked at my package. The shape of my present looked different. I was the only fifth grade girl, and wanted to fit in with the older girls. As they began to open their presents, I saw it was cute socks that teens were wearing at that time.

At that moment, I couldn’t think of anything else that I would rather have than those socks. I didn’t want to open my gift quite yet, holding on to the hope that just maybe what I had in my package was the same thing. As I separated the paper and tape, I saw the doll. My heart sank. I wanted to fit in, by having what they had.

It’s not the first time that I wanted someone else’s gift.

I have looked at people with talents and abilities that I have wanted and felt like I didn’t measure up. Whatever gifts I have seem not cool enough, or not as good as someone else’s.

I listen to people speak in public, and wonder how in the world they do it… I would love to have that gift. Listening to people sing, play the piano, see others’ organizational skills, hospitality, leadership ability… So many gifts I would love to have, especially when I notice other people with them. Not only am I reminded that I don’t have them, but I question the very ones I have been given. I start to feel like I don’t measure up, and that maybe I’m not that great at the gifts I have anyway.

*Side note – I’m pretty sure Satan loves this. He sneaks his way into our head through that tiny crack of comparison, and suddenly has access to much more. While he is in there, he wrecks the place. He fills it with wads of doubt, and boxes of envy, and bags of insecurity – all for me to sort through and unpack for a long time afterward. He is really good at this.

If I can shine some light on them, I would be able to see that those boxes and bags and wads have no place here, and there is nothing in them worth sorting through. Everything must go. That light comes from prayer and reading God’s Word. In 1 Corinthians chapter 12, here is what I read –

“You are Christs’ body – that’s who you are! You must never forget this. Only as you accept your part of that body does your part mean anything… But it’s obvious by now, isn’t it, that Christs’ church is a complete Body and not a gigantic unidimensional Part? It’s not all Apostle, not all Prophet, not all Miracle Worker, not all Healer, not all Prayer in Tongues, not all Interpreter of Tongues. And yet some of you keep competing for so-called ‘important’ parts.” 1 Corinthians 12:27, 31 (Message)

“God’s various expressions of power are in action everywhere but God himself is behind it all. Each person is given something to do that shows who God is. Everyone gets in on it, everyone benefits. All kinds of things are handed out by the Spirit, and to all kinds of people! The variety is wonderful…” 1 Corinthians 12:6,7 (Message)

My gifts aren’t shabby. Yours aren’t either. When we quit comparing, and focus on the reason for having the gifts in the first place, we can see the beauty. We can see how we can all work together to “show who God is.” It really is wonderful.

To be honest, I really loved the doll. It was a good gift for me. I just had to take my eyes off everyone else’s gift to see how great mine was.

I was about to ship my only son off on a plane to spend a week with his friend, and I was savoring every minute of the three-hour car ride to the airport. Snacks, music, sunshine – it was perfect.

I had been this route before, but I was taking in all the scenery. The trees were especially beautiful that day, and there were times the early morning rays of sunshine spread out over the hills in front of us and made me want to stop for pictures.

Wide, open fields and big older homes had me wondering about the people who lived there and what they might do with their days. Do they farm? Do they have other jobs and have to come home and tend to all the gardening themselves?

And there was conversation. I love getting to talk to him. The older my son gets I realize how quickly we are cruising to the end of the time I get to spend with him like this.

The one thing I did not realize, however, is how quickly we were cruising through Circleville.

The lights behind me let me know it was probably faster than it should have been. And the kind officer who asked for my license and registration confirmed it by telling me I had been going 72 in a 60. I received my first speeding ticket in all of my driving years. And I deserved it. I do the crime, I do the time (well, pay the fine, I guess).

He also asked me if I had realized what the speed limit was, and I honestly said no, because it turns out I had not paid any attention to it.

I was looking at the beautiful sunshine, and the trees, and the houses, and occasionally the road, but had only noticed a speed limit sign a couple of times the entire trip.

What I was paying attention to was lovely, but I was focused on the wrong thing.

And it’s certainly not the first time I’ve done that.

I can get so distracted by things in life, sometimes things that aren’t a bit good for me, and oftentimes things that seem harmless. But if they are taking my attention from what I should be focused on, I need to be reminded.

Life is busy, and there are a thousand things that need our attention. But the most important part of our days is without a doubt our time with God. When we keep our eyes focused on Him, we are less likely to mess it all up, and Satan is less likely to distract us from how God is wanting to use us while we are here. And boy is he good at it. He will distract us with busyness and he will distract us with sin. He will distract with frustrations and disagreements. He distracts with dangling an imitation of what you really need right in front of your face. Don’t let him. Focus on God. He has what you need.

“Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour.”
1 Peter 5:8

Let’s make it a priority – keep our time with God above everything else. And use cruise control in Circleville.