Monthly Archives: February 2015

Sticky notes and tassels

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Noah wanted an iPod for his 9th birthday. While I was worried about two things – 1. He will be disappointed to receive such a physically small present as his only present, and 2. Is he prepared to be responsible for such a pricy gift? – We did it and he loved it. He did a great job taking care of it. In fact, the only scratch even on it was from something I did.

But as electronics go, he eventually wanted the newer version – the iPod Touch. We bought it for another holiday when he was 11. Unfortunately, on a Friday evening, he and his dad got home late and Noah changed into his pajamas half-asleep. The next morning, my husband did a load of laundry and Noah’s iPod touch was in the pocket of his jeans.

The iPod was ruined. We tried rice, letting it air dry. Nothing worked. So my husband decided the fair thing to do to teach a lesson in responsibility was to have Noah pay half of the cost of a replacement iPod and he would pay the other half. So that’s what they did. Fast-forward a couple of months, and I did laundry, and when putting the clothes in the dryer, I saw the new iPod in the bottom of the washer. Ruined. We prayed over that iPod and everything. He ended up getting an iPad for Christmas a few months later, rather than the long list of Legos he had originally hoped for. (iPads are much larger than iPods and harder to miss going in the washer).

While my husband and I disagreed about whose responsibility it is to check the pockets before washing – the wearer of the pants or the laundry doers – I had a hard time remembering to check the pockets before dumping clothes into the washer, even after two traumatic laundering experiences. So I put a sticky-note with a big, black check-mark over the detergent hole to remind me of my responsibility before each load. It helped tremendously. I haven’t missed checking a load since.

For my Bible reading, I am in the book of Numbers. I was cruising through lots of rules and regulations and punishments, when in chapter 15, verses 32 through 36, I read about a guy who was gathering wood on the Sabbath day – a violation of the rules God had given them. God commanded Moses that this guy had to die for his blatant disregard for God’s commands.

Back to rules and such in verses 37 through 40, it says, “The Lord said to Moses, ‘Speak to the Israelites and say to them: ‘Throughout the generations to come you are to make tassels on the corners of your garments, with a blue cord on each tassel. You will have these tassels to look at and so you will remember all the commands of the Lord, that you may obey them and not prostitute yourselves by going after the lusts of your own hearts and eyes. Then you will remember to obey all my commands and will be consecrated to your God.”

The tassels for the Israelites were a kind of check-mark sticky note for the Israelites. These tassels (I kind of envision a Dolly Parton sort of fringe, though I think I’m way off on that one) were to remind them of the laws to obey, laws designed to guard their hearts, to keep them focused, to train them to control their actions, and especially to give honor and worship to God.

When an Israelite woke up and put on her ensemble for the day, she would see a tassel and remember to have reverence and respect for God and only God – no golden calves, no man-made idols. Her focus would be brought back to Him, perhaps leading her to remember how awesome He is. How He led her and her people out of Egypt, when without Him it would have been impossible. How she was once literal a slave, but now she is free. How He led her and her people by a cloud during the day and fire by night. How He gave her manna to keep her from being hungry.

When this Israelite lady would clean laundry during the day, she would see her tassel on her sleeve and remember God’s command saying she isn’t to covet her neighbor’s house. She would look around and see her own home, her own dishes, her bed, and be thankful for the comfort she has, thankful for a place to rest her head and be with her family.

Sometimes I get so wrapped up in big, time-consuming projects I get myself into, or so distracted by regular everyday routines that I could use a tassel. Or a sticky note. Something to remind me of what God wants from me. Something to remind me of what he has already done for me.

Some of these things happen naturally. When Noah makes me laugh, or gets his own ear-to-ear, wide-eyed, genuine smile, I naturally thank God for letting me be his mom, and naturally feel a renewed passion not to screw him up.

When I see a beautiful sunset – the kind with pinks and purples all mixed in – I instantly tell God, “Nice work!”

But in everyday things, how do I remind myself to not grumble when things don’t go my way? How do I remember to be thankful in all things? What about the days I’m feeling down on myself? How do I remind myself not to bring everyone around me down too? On days I’m doubting how God is going to make things work out, how do I remind myself of the many, many times He has been there for me, and the bunches of times He has been there for His people in every situation I read in my Bible?

I really don’t want to go with tassels. That’s kind of ‘80s-country and not my thing. But I need a plan. I’m thinking maybe sticky notes.

Maybe one on my mirror to remind me of how I can trust God, no matter what, like Psalm 9:10 “Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.”

Maybe one in my kitchen to remind me to be thankful – 1 Thessalonians 5:18In everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”

For you, it could be something other than sticky notes. I heard a woman on the radio saying she talked to God about thinking about Him, and knowing He is thinking about her, when she sees a robin. Sounds kind of kooky, I know, and she admitted as much, but she said the experiences she has had with robins because of this have meant so much to her. Whatever works for you, just make a plan to remember.

I will start with my two sticky notes and hopefully add more. More promises, more reminders. Like the Israelites, I hope this plan will remind me of blessings, guard my heart, keep me focused and keep me thankful.

 

 

 

3/15/13

Old pizza

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Yesterday we had pizza for dinner… Again. After dinner I started to put the leftover pizza, box and all, in the refrigerator, when I realized I had no room in there because of two other pizza boxes. (I know- there are several things wrong with this – But stay focused 🙂

No kidding, for a minute I considered just leaving the new, fresh pizza leftovers on the counter to be thrown away because the old, hard moldy pizza in the fridge was taking up all the room.

Then it hit me that I was kind of doing the same thing with my thoughts. Over the last few weeks I have had some nasty leftovers of fear, frustration, a little anger, and some sadness filling up my mind. That left little room for good stuff like thankfulness, happiness, fun, and smiles. 


Philippians 4:8 (the Message version) says “Summimg it up friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious – the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse.”


I think there’s truth in that. So today I’m making a real effort to declutter. I will think good thoughts, and try focussing on what I can do for other people. At least for today 🙂


And, in case you are wondering, I did take the gross pizza out of the fridge 🙂

 

10/08/2012

Fear, Joshua, and middle school

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Fear. That is what is motivating this blog post. My only child has started middle school and I am not ready. We have everything – it’s not that. We bought a backpack, paper, pencils, pens, folders, etc. But I am not emotionally ready. I have dreaded this moment from at least as early as the beginning of 5th grade. I remember tearing up when Noah had his last elementary play, when I had my last few lunches with him, and of course at the 5th grade graduation. With sadness and trepidation, I have shared my worries with his elementary principal, my mother-in-law, my cashier at IHOP – anyone who will listen.

However, time marches on whether we are ready or not. Sunday was the middle school open house. I cried. Twice. Not bad – I expected more tears. Noah showed us around the place and we eagerly checked out the 6th grade hallway where his classes would mostly be.

Sunday night, I stared off into space as I tried to sleep, worry consuming me. What if he hates it? What if he can’t find his classes? What if someone says something mean to him? Hurts his feelings? What if he can’t find someone to sit beside at lunch? What if he doesn’t understand what is being taught? What if he has a mean teacher? What if my sweet boy starts using drugs?

I eventually drifted off, and woke up to the blaring alarm clock. I kept my composure very well. I drove him to school, and parked in the parking lot across the street. I prayed with him on the way there, just as I have done every morning since preschool. He got out and crossed the street, and walked to the door – a seemingly hour-long process. I drove away as he went in the door, and the tears started flowing (mine, not Noah’s). I prayed the entire way home, sobbing (talk about distracted driving – thankful I made it home). I cried walking into my house, sitting on my couch. Then I had a deep urge to get my Bible.

I quickly searched for words of comfort, that only God can bring. He delivered.

I remembered something about God’s promises to Joshua, so I went there. After thumbing through the book backward (don’t know why I always do it this way), I decided I might as well start at chapter 1, and just keep reading until I found comfort. I had plenty of time, but I didn’t need it. Turns out, chapter 1 is exactly where God was sending me.

Twice God tells Joshua that He will never leave him. I began to feel my fears ease. God was with Joshua. He was handing over to Joshua the honor/enormous responsibility of leading the Israelites, right after the death of Moses. I wonder what Joshua could have been feeling that day. Maybe honor. That God would trust him to lead His people into the promised land had to be pretty flattering. Clearly there was a little fear; God wouldn’t have bothered with all this “Be strong and courageous” business, (which is mentioned 4 times in chapter 1) if it was going to be a cakewalk. (Not exactly sure what a cakewalk is, but I’m assuming it’s pretty easy). I think there had to be a little uneasiness as well. Those Israelites could be a whiny bunch. “We miss Egypt! We’re tired of manna! Moses has been gone for a few weeks – we need a gold cow ASAP!!”

But, knowing Joshua’s heart, God was quick to reassure him. “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

I know these words were spoken specifically for Joshua. But Monday morning, a few minutes before 8 a.m., God let me know that He means them for me too. He loves me and he loves Noah just as much as He loves Joshua. He won’t leave Joshua? He won’t leave me. He won’t leave Noah.

Then came peace. How much more could I need? If I were with Noah all day at middle school, I might be of some comfort (If we can pretend he wasn’t humiliated by me being there), but there could be a million things that might come up where I would be of no use. But God – He can do anything. And he will never leave Noah. He will go with him, through homeroom, through social studies, through lunch, through cross country practice.

God also directed Joshua to “Be strong and courageous.” Seriously, this was mentioned four times in the 18 verses. I think He meant it. My favorite is verse 9.

     “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

So, it’s time to put on my big-girl-panties and be strong. God is with us. What better way to get gain courage?

I’m happy to say that when I picked him up from cross country practice at 4:30 (I was a little early), he told me he had a great day. But then again, how could he not? He had some seriously great company 🙂

p.s. – a  big ‘thank you’ to my friends who helped keep me busy, who prayed for me and who checked on me during this. Thanks for understanding my craziness 🙂 Love you all!!

 

8/16/2012

 

He restores my soul

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Growing up in church and getting most of my education at a Christian school, I feel like I’ve heard the 23rd Psalm more times than my own name. Not that this is a bad thing, but sometimes we can hear something over and over until it begins to lose meaning. But I love it when something jumps out at you when you least expect it.

I was at a funeral yesterday and Psalm 23 was read. As the speaker was reading… The Lord is my shepherd… He makes me lie down in green pastures… He restores my soul…

He restores my soul.

Dicitonary.com defines restore as “to bring back to a state of health, soundness, or vigor.”

I can’t count the times I have needed my soul restored. I have felt depleted, I have felt empty, I have felt exhausted, I have felt I’m at the end of my rope. I have felt like a failure, I have felt alone, I have felt broken.

I feel the opposite of someone restored.

Then God finds a perfect way to remind me that I am His. Even if I have screwed up – and believe me, I have. Countless times. He loves on me, reminding me that I am His baby girl, the one He loved more than life. He reminds me that He doesn’t love me because I’m perfect and when I’m imperfect it doesn’t change His love for me. He just loves me. Period. Nothing I could ever do will make Him love me more and nothing I could ever do could make Him love me less. He just loves me.

And He loves me enough to continue to restore me, over and over.

When God restores, He really restores. And I am thankful.

 

8/06/2011

Getting Picked

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If you were a good athlete, or maybe even popular as a kid, you might not be able to relate to this – just warning you. But since you’re here, you can keep reading 🙂

When I was a kid, shockingly, I was a terrible athlete. Terrible. I hated the whole thing. I wasn’t just lazy and I didn’t mind losing. I hated the idea of messing up and letting an entire team down. A team who might actually care about winning. Often I would freeze up and not know what to do next. Add that to the lack of athletic ability, and you can imagine I wasn’t the first choice when it came time to pick teams.

But I was also not second, or third, or… you get the idea. Nearly always picked last. My better memories are when there would be one person picked after me. Sorry for their luck, but it made my day much better to know I wasn’t dead last.

I wish I could say I knew it wasn’t personal, that it didn’t bother me, and that it wasn’t a big deal. But I can’t. It always made me sad to think that I was so terrible that no one wanted me.

Bear with me while I seemingly digress for a moment…

Since I have been running, I have found that it helps me to focus on something other than the time left when the running gets too overwhelming. I realized that when it felt too overwhelming, even the task of thinking things seemed to make it worse. So I would find myself reading the letters on the base of my treadmill just to keep my mind from wandering. The problem is there are only four words on the treadmill, so that didn’t take up too much time.

What I finally did was write a passage from the Bible on a piece of paper (with a purple Sharpee – pretty girly things always make things better 😉 and read it slowly, focussing on it, while I keep going on my run even when I think I can’t.

It’s funny how you can read something over and over and get different thoughts and ideas depending on when you read it. I had read these verses for weeks, and just a couple of days ago, a new thought occured to me. Here are the verses (It is the Message version, which I love) found in the book of Isaiah, toward the beginning of chapter 43 –

Don’t be afraid, I’ve redeemed you.

I’ve called your name. You’re mine.

When you’re in over your head, I’ll be there with you.

When you’re in rough waters, you will not go down.

When you’re between a rock and a hard place, it won’t be a dead end –

Because I am God, your personal God, The Holy of Israel, your Savior.

I paid a huge price for you:

all of Egypt, with rich Cush and Seba thrown in!

That’s how much you mean to me!

That’s how much I love you!

I’d sell off the whole world to get you back,

trade creation just for you.

So don’t be afraid: I’m with you.

Read the second line again…

I’ve called your name. You’re mine.

The God of the universe has picked me and wants me on His team. That makes me smile 🙂

2/13/2011

Can saying ‘no’ be a form of worship?

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I am a “yes” girl. If you ask me to say it, I’ll say it. If you ask me to teach it, I’ll teach it. If you ask me to make it, I’ll make it. I have always wanted to do as much as I can for God, and anyone else for that matter.

I’m not sure if it is to please people or to please God, but either way, it wasn’t the right reason, because even pleasing God was more about hoping the longer my list of responsibilities was, the happier He would be with me.

Recently, I have realized I have had it all wrong for so many years. God doesn’t need me to keep a calendar full to prove I am worthy of His love. I could never be worthy of His love. That’s what makes it even more beautiful. He loves me without me deserving even an ounce of it. And what He wants from me, really craves from me, is a real relationship.

He wants me to share every part of who I am with Him. Sure, He knows me. He knows everything. He doesn’t need me to tell Him my fears and my disappointments and my hopes to know them. But there is something special about that intimate time, when I do share those things with Him. I also learn more about Him.

The times when I sincerely spend that personal, intimate time with God alone, is worth so much more than my list of things I’ve done “for Him.” I know all of the things on my list were good things. Nursery worker, Sunday School helper, van driver, board member, etc. are all important things that do help our chuch and God is pleased with them.

But there are times when even those good things can begin to take away from our relationship with God. They can become minor distractions, where the time we spend doing that one more thing is the time we would have spent with God, but now we’re just a little too tired. At worst, they can become reasons for resentment. We begin to feel frustrated with all the things we’re doing, feeling exhausted and empty.

I have, within the last few years, been able to see God in such a different way. I have seen that He is in love with me. He wants to spend time with me. He wants to give me His attention. These kinds of things I have been looking for from people my whole life, have been right there, from the creator of the life. He hearts me.

I think there are times in our lives where God wants us to be more Mary and less Martha (Luke 10:38-42). I am feeling God say that to me now. I have recently given up a couple of great ministries, and ministry opportunities, feeling like God wants me to spend more time at His feet right now, just like Mary.

Angela Thomas, in her book, “Do You Think I’m Beautfiul?” answers the question, “How do I get close to God?” by saying the first step is to put down the church-lady pretending. Put aside the lists, activities, committees and assignments, and only pick them back up after getting God’s direction. She said, “Let Him direct every step toward reclaiming your heart.”

I heart Him.

10/13/2010

Lessons from Walmart

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Okay, so I was at Walmart the other day, after a long day at work. And it was a Monday – did I mention that? My hair was frumpy, pulled up in a clippie, and my makeup was well past worn off. Just when I thought I couldn’t feel crummier, I see her. No one I knew, a complete stranger. She was gorgeous. She had perfect hair, was at least 6 feet tall, and was more fit than I have seen anyone in a long time. Her clothes were fabulous and she was wearing high heels! to Walmart! She was listening to her iPod as she was shopping, because that’s what really cool people do, and she was buying all this fancy food, including, but not limited to, the enormously large loaf of French bread from the deli/bakery, the kind of bread everyone in movies has sticking out of their single brown paper grocery bag after a shopping trip.

I realize, at this point, it probably seems like I was stalking this unsuspecting stranger, and it’s possible I was. I like to think it was really some sick sort of fate as to why we kept ending up in the same aisles.

I am a relatively insecure person, and I’m not too proud to admit that. That’s something I have struggled with  from the time I first became interested in boys. Instinctively, when I saw Walmart girl, my first thought was to wonder why I am not that thin, that tall, that put together. While I cannot be held responsible for my short stature, the other stuff is something I am in charge of. So I began unconsciously going over a list of all the things I dislike about myself and then I had to stop.

For the first time in a long time I have seen that I don’t have to compare myself to anyone else. God loves me. Period. Not because I am pretty or smart or tall or short or anything else. He just loves me. It’s not a contest. I don’t have to measure up to Walmart girl or anyone else. God doesn’t judge me by them, so who am I to try to do that? And if God loves me, why would I worry about what mere people think?

Not to mention, I would almost bet there is something Walmart girl even feels insecure about or someone she feels intimidated by. None of us are perfect.

I still have a long way to go in my battle with my insecurities. I have to remind myself frequently that my Jesus loves me and if He thinks I am worth something, it must be true.

I left Walmart feeling a little better and I’m hoping I’m on my way to a more secure idea of who I am and who God is helping me become.

I also left there glad I wasn’t Walmart girl, as I saw her lean over to get her whole-grain pasta and saw her low-cut jeans reveal, to me and everyone else in the aisle, her thong underwear! *snicker* 🙂

9/19/2010